thou shalt not commit idolatry

idolatry

what comes into your mind when you think that or when i think that? golden calfs, statues, celebrities, music, sports- Friends, Love, Acceptance?

those last three seem out of place

but if i really thing about it i can see that all of them and even more have eclipsed my love of God and pulled my focus away from Him. I have ran after these things for soo long. I still catch myself running towards them. Longing to be loved, fearful of being left out, dying to be accepted

but the fact is i am more loved than anything, i belong to a glorious Kingdom, and I am a princess of that kingdom and My King LOVES ME AND WANTS ME TO BE HIS!

I have to remember that God is a jealous God and i cannot lust after the things of this world but run and embrace the love and belonging that He has for me.

trust

TRUST

how can one little word be so scary, be so hard, be one my my biggest struggles?

I am learning to trust, it is a long process and something that is hard for me. It is soo hard to give up my drivers seat to the perfect driver. But i am working on it.

I pray that God helps me to trust completely and wholeheartdly...to let go and just trust.

run to Him

i just feel so sad and i don't know why

i am part of an amazing small group which i love
i get to go to Campus Focus every week to join in amazing worship with my peers

my life is pretty good now or so it would seem

my dorm and roomates suck and i feel like i am being exiled from my own room...
i feel sad and unwanted and i hate that feeling

i have felt that way to often in my life and i am done with it...

i know i need to remember that no matter what the world around is doing or whatever force is trying to pull me down nothing is stronger than my God and he is in charge

He is the source to happiness and joy and i need to run to Him when i am lacking those qualities

the raging storm

tonite my small group looked at the bible story of Peter and Jesus walking on water
and it really got me thinking...at first Peter is so trusting of Jesus that he asks Him if he can join him on the water... Jesus says yes and Peter steps out of the boat and walks toward Jesus...but soon Peter starts to notice the storm, the waves, and the winds that are raging all around him and he starts to sink...
I could not help but think of how alike i am to Peter...i have moments where i trust God so much that i am willing to jump out of my safety zone and follow Him...but then i look around me and see the my storm-the loneliness, the self-doubt, the unkind words of family and i start to sink i lose site of Jesus and his plan for me i start to drown in the things of this world.

I don't want to focus on the storm but instead focus on the one who can calm the storm...the One who can pull me from the waves and set me back on the path of faith and trust in Him

fellowship

i went to my first small group tonite...and i loved it! I am so thankful that God is blessing my life with these amazing sources to fellowship and come together

i am so ready to dive in to the Word with this group i am so ready to make friends and join in true genuine fellowship

thank you God for blessing me you are amazing

on Christ this solid rock i stand

i just got back from campus focus (the college ministry on campus) and i feel so amazing

it has been so long since i had that kind of worship experience it was so good to sing at the top of my lungs, prasing my God and savior and thanking Him for bringing me to this amazing thing. I am so excited to be a part of this huge ministry and to see what God is going to do in my life

i am still getting used to this college thing...the roomates, the classes, the making friends but i know that God is here on this campus and i pray that i can fix my eyes on Him and keep Him as the center of my life (:

so ready

i am so ready to leave and get out of here... i am ready to start a new chapter, ready to be on my own.


i leave in 12 days and those days cannot go fast enough

gravity is pulling me

why is it that something that i was so sure of 2 months ago seems to become something of huge doubt

i just don;t know what to do

i really want to go to tuscarora, but there are more and more reasons coming up that would lead me to stay home

i feel like i am being pulled in two completely different directions

one direction is that of home, friends, church, and being here to enjoy summer

the other completely unknown

maybe the fact that it is unknown is my answer

i have no idea which way God is leading me

i know he will be with me whatever i decide to do but i wish that the lamp on my path was just a bit larger

stress

plans fall through

and with that falling out stress comes along

i am worried about living in akron, i am worried about living with someone i don't even know, i am worried about being in a place that i am completely new in

i just need prayers that things will work out

official college student

i got into Akron i am pretty excited!

the letter from tusc should be coming in about 2 weeks

ya things are coming together!

finals are next week

and summer is almost here!

(:

guilty conscious

why is it when anybody get mads or blame some thing on someone i always think it is my fault

it never fails

i guess it mite be because of my constant need of reasurance

i think that most of my problems will subside when i get out of this zone that i am in

i need to start fresh

i need to change

i need to grow

honesty, burritos, and other ramblings

one my my fellow bloggers has expressed her feelings of needing to be honest

i agree whole heartedly

honest is one of the most important things in life, if we can't be honest how can we expect others to be honest

*******

i am in a good place right now, ya i am waiting on acceptance letters and what not, but that is teaching me patience

i have a plan, but i am also trusting in God to lead me in the right direction

*****

sidenotes~ chipotle is the bomb, and i got a perm (:

short stories vs blogging

writting blogs comes very easy

short stories not so much

maybe because blogs are stream of conscious and short stories actually have to make sense

summer staff info still hasn;t come, i am getting antzy

lying in bed

for the past few days i have had thoughts about crawling under my covers for a few days and hide from the world

i don't know why i just have and if ne one knows me they know how much i love to be around people


on another note

i have been compulsivley checking my email for the past 2 weeks

summer staff accpetance is supposed to come soon

pray that it does

lilies of the field

Dear Jesus,

thank you so much for your love
no matter how much i doubt or how many times i screw up or forget that you are there you remain

you are strong, you love is strong

please help me to remember that you take care of things

please help me to put my faith in you and to stop freaking out

thank you so much for you love

and help me to remeber that you are stronger than anything

amen

thoughts on books, tipping and tithes

so i am still reading blue like jazz and i just finished the chapter about thithing

and it really hit me hard

In the novel miller was talking about his friend who like never really went to church and even tough he wasn;t into the christian thing he never forgot to tithe he always took out 10% of his earings and gave it to the church and miller said he felt so gulity cuz he harldy ever tithed and i feel that same guilt you know i always think o wow 10% of my paycheck how will i afford gas, how will i afford to go out i need that moneybut i think i am really gonna trust God to provide and i am going to give him what he told us to give

also do you realize that when we go out to eat we tip the waitress at least 15% maybe 20%
so why can;t we give God the 10% he asks us for

think about that i know i am

i keep bleeding love

i started to read blue like jazz by donald miller

i really like it so far

i really want to get back into the reading thing, i used to read all the time and i miss it

my next book with probally be "all families are pyschotic" i have to read it for class but the title seems very similar to my family

my mom is insane but i think you knew that

btw bleeding love by leona lewis is an amazing song

more late night music hunts

i think that one of God's greatests gifts to us is music

music speaks words we cannot say and helps us to feel what we are afraid to feel

so here is some music to get you through the day hope you enjoy

Casey's Song~City and Colour
Comatose-Skillet
Leaving 99-Audio Adrenaline
I belive in Love-Barlow Girl
Stainglass Mascarade-Casting Crowns
Give us clean hands- Chris Tomlin
One last breath-Creed
Hello, I'm in Delaware-City and Colour
Come and Listen -David Crowder Band
Escalates-Falling Up
Unbreakable-Fireflight
Only One/Hosanna/Take it all/~hillsong united
the cure for pain~jon foreman
arms of love~kutless
in my arms~plumb
i'm not alright~sanctus real
the devil won today~Blake Aaron
Love Break me/Alive in this Moment~starfield

and the last one
Everything~Lifehouse

go look up these songs they just might change your life (:

o the weather outside is frightful

the snow is coming down and we all mite die

hmm at least that is what the news is saying

i had to call off work again, (:

but i think the girls nite mite be cancelled ):

ya so i am stuck at home all day with my family ):

blizzard of 2008

great way to start spring break

Jeremiah 29:11 and the power of prayer

so last night was spent stressing out over college details

but this morning a good friend reminded me of a very powerful verse

Jeremiah 29:11 "For i know the plans i have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

how awesome is that God knows what is gonna happen in your life and those things are gonna give you hope!

i am still a little worried about the college situation but i know that God is there and through prayer and trust in him i am gonna get through this

it is gonna be alright

stressful situations

so i have decided to go to akron in the fall of 2008

fall semester starts august 25th

summer staff ends august 23rd


hmmmmmm this is gonna be rough ):

i just need to write

i just need to write i don;t have any big relavations to share or any funny stories

its just me just and my constant stream of thoughts

i have just now realized that i am finally getting out of this box of comfort that i have been in for so long

and i couldn;t be more happy and scared of that fact

****
i have decided to go to Akron next year, ya it was a quick decsion but i think it is the right one, i need to get away from my family, mostly my mother

i need to start my college life i need to meet new people and start moving into my future

****
youth group is awesome and i am so blessed to be invovled in it

ya i am done (:

i just don't understand

i am so sick of people being pessimistic

i am so tired of people always doubting

why can;t we try

why do people alway expect things to fail

i try to come up with fun ideas and they are shot down

nobody wants to take that risk and nobody wants to listen to me

to see them makes me smile

last night was the first youth group since Tuscarora

and i am so happy to see those kids getting excited about youth group!

it is soo great to see how they have changed and to see the fire they have.

i pray that they stay connected not just to the youth group but to God

and i pray that i can help them any way i can!

life could you be a little softer to me

one week ago today i was sitting in the snack shop playing cards, having no cares, and looking foreward to the best weekend ever.

now here i sit beaten down by life

i miss the serenity of that place i miss the carefree laughter, i miss feeling so close to God but i am trying to remember that being with God doesn't have to be a semi yearly visit it can and i hope it will be a dailly thing

i want to be close i want my light to shine i want His light to shine in me

the devil won today

I think that sometime songwritters follow people around and write songs that match their live experiences

ok maybe not but songs prove to me that we are all the same and also unique.

someone introduced me to a new songwriter~ Blake Aaron you should look him up

ya it mite just change your life

your light will shine when all else fades

as i sit and listen to the beautiful words of hillsong united i look back on the weekend and I am amazing at how much this weekend has changed me

i have been going to Winter Weekend for 7 years and every year i say that i am on fire and i want to stay that way but my attention is always pulled away i lose that fire i my light fades my candle burns down.

this year i want my light to burn continually i want to stay on fire!

here i am Lord

ok i hear you, what should i do

i know God is speaking to me

i have been hearing a lot of things that are convincing me that going out there, being ready, and being a part of God's service is the right thing to do

but since i am hearing this stuff so much i can't help but wonder is there more that God wants me to do?

come and go with me to my father's house

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.~ CS Lewis

ok so i didn't find this quote by myself, but how great a picture is that

ya sometime there are things in this life that are going to hurt, they are going to knock you down and you may not understand why in the world this is happening

but God has a plan for you life and as the old saying goes what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

God wants to rebuild your life and make it more beautiful than ever before, will you let him do that?

i don't want to leave the comfort of this place

Tuscarora is in 14 days

that fact alone makes me happier than most

i am so ready to go, to get plugged into that power source for a weekend and be recharged

i am also so excited for all the first timers, this weekend is the best experience that you can imagine

so lets get ready, get excited and get pumped for TUSCARORA WINTER WEEKEND!

Late night music hunts

It is 11:54, i have class 10 hours, it is windy and the hopes of class cancelations are filling my head

I have been searching for music all nite long

Music is a funny thing
it is the has characteristics that not many things share
music can make you smile, cry, laugh, scream, and express many other emotions.

music has so much meaning in my life i am always attached to some music player and even if i am not you will most likely find me singing

so i guess if you have ne suggestions for music for me to fall in love with please share i will get to sharing my picks soon as of now i must get some sleep


*this blog deserves a disclaimer it is now 11:59 and i am very tired, sorry if this makes no sense at all, at least it did in my head (: