i wish you could see the stars

So i know i have mentioned the song Only You by David Crowder Band and how much i love it but recently while driving i caught a line that says

"I wish you could see the stars when its just you and me"

I was overwhelmed with love and beauty when that line hit my ears.

When i hear those words i get a sense of the emotion that Jesus feels for us and i am in awe

You know that feeling when you are somewhere completely beautiful, fun, peaceful, or anywhere that you feel pure enjoyment and someone you love or care for pops into you mind and you say to yourself "Oh i wish they could be here" when you say those words or when i say them my heart aches for that person and i want for them to experiecne this enjoyment with me.

I do believe that this may describe how Jesus feels about us, and he feels this all the time and a thousand times greater then we could ever imagine.

What a beautiful and amazing thing

i love you Lord and i lift my voice

Wow

These past few weeks have be amazing, sucky, hard, tiring, fun, beautiful and completely crazy.

I have realized that i am so blessed. I have an amazing group of friends who love and care about me. and even when we fight and let stupid drama get in our way we are bonding in love and Christ.

I have seen God's majestic beauty in nature and the weather. this past weekend God blessed northern ohio with fantastic weather. High 80's sunny everyday. I spent the weekend outside with good friends and being surrounded and captivated by what God has created for us..for you..for me.



Philipians 4:4-7 (the message)
4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!
6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

REVEL IN HIM!!!
Be with Him
Delight in Him and what he has done for you!

Wait

Blessings have been chucked upon me this year

I am blessed with an amazing group of friends who i love so much
I am blessed with an amazing church and Campus Focus
I am blessed with my small group and the lessons i learn there
I am blessed to be able to afford (more the most part) an education

but still i sit and i become dissatisfied with my life, with God

I become so impatient with God and his timing i look to other things to give me happiness, i run after boys, relationships, and other idols that do me no good

And i know God is pleading with me to just wait, be patient to wait on Him because he has so many blessings to give me

help me to wait and be content in you

And its just you and me here now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWsBCznPFcE


Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned

Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it upto You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You

Every night I grab my Bible and my Ipod, i turn the volume up and let this song invade me...

This is my prayer...
I desperatly want to give you my life, my dreams...I want you to consume me. I want you to be all i live for.

I am afraid to let go, to let someone else be in control. But I know that if you are in control there is no way my life can be messed up, because you are PERFECT. And you know exactly what you want with me. you have my life planed out, i just have to let you lead me.

So today i let it all go, i am trusting you.

I want it to be just you and me

Because When it is is just you and me it is the most beautiful thing

and all of you is more than enough for all of me

I am prideful

i ask for advice and my friends are honest with me, and i want them to be, but then i make stupid excuses...

why? i am not sure, i have nothing to prove, I am a worthless sinner that deserves nothing.

I realized that thing weekend and last night at church that thought was being hammered into my brain...

I want to remember that i am nothing with out my God. He is the reason that i am alive and He has the power to make me something...i do not have that power.

Lord,

Help me to let go....of my pride, my lust and anything else that holds me back
I want to be free...completely and totally free from my self

you are everything

Go watch this video before you read this post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA&feature=channel_page

Amazing....

and everytime i hear that song or see that video i am reminded of God's awesome and amazing love for us.

This video hits me hard because i see myself as the girl, i get so distracted by boys, and body image, and a ton of other things and in the past i have entertained the thoughts of self harm or other things

but no matter how distracted or far away we are Jesus will step in and hold back the demons

He will block them from your mind so you can be fully his.

"Help me to remember that you love me and you are and should be everything to me"

my mind is racing

how can one be so sure of something and then is just a few short weeks that one thing becomes the most confusing thing in the world to them



At LA 09 i was challeged to pursue singleness rather than relantionships, and i was all for it, i bought a book about it, i prayed that my heart would be for God and only God and i was on a good track



but here i sit my mind in a cloud of confusion, so many things have come about that make me think...hmm, I wonder what God wants me to do



I am fighting my self, my thoughts, even my actions. I am not saying that there is one event or person in particular that made me so confused but rather a multitude of talks, sermons, and even friends that have brought this on


***********
The above part i wrote a week ago, and i hestitated on posting it, but i still feel this confusion, even more so than before

I feel guilty when the thoughts about crushes and relantionships come into my head

I feel scared and unsure of where i am supposed to go in my life

I feel like God's will and his voice are being lost and muffled by my ever wandering thoughts

Lord,
I pray that you reveal your will to me, and that i follow your will for my life. No matter what it is and help me to find contentment in your plans for me.

I can't escape my past

I was a annoying teenager to say the least, i was loud, hyper, and generally disliked by alot of people including my youth group

I know that is horrible to say but i often felt like i was slowly being excommunicated from them. It hurt because i loved my youth group but that love was never returned

This wound that they left me with has recently been reopened

my church recently employed a new youth leader, and i am so happy for the current youth group, this youth leader is a great person who has a ton of energy and is a perfect fit

I think i have a good relantionship with this person but recent events make me think differently

God has put it on my heart to work with junior highers so i have been trying to make myself available to the new youth leader as a volunteer, i let her know that if she ever needs me to help i will do my best to be there, yes i am in college and that keeps me pretty busy but when i am home i want to help and even if i am not i will drive up there if needed.

But my offer to help hasn't been accepted. I don;t understand why not so my mind goes back to those days of my teenage self and it tells me "oh she doesn;t want your help because you are annoying, you are over eager, you are not mature enough to help out" I don't know if this stuff is true but it is a constant tought

One oppertunity that doesn;t seem like it will become a reality is being a tuscarora counselor

Tuscarora is one of the greatest retreat that i have ever been on, so many great memories stem from the past 8 years that i have gone there and i would love to be a part of that for as long as i can, but this year i don;t think they want me to go. And i would understand if they didnt need me because of lack of kids or lack of funds, but i have this fear that they just don't want me to go

This fear is reenforced because i have sent a number of emails, letter and i have even asked the youth leaders in person if they need me, and they always skirt the question and change the subject.

it make me feel like that unwanted teenager, the one who hated herself and couldn't understand the peoples actions around her